Of late I have had a serious issue with writing. I haven’t much liked anything I have written in the last two months and as a result my productivity has waned on a massive scale. I have had mini periods like this before but nothing quite so prolonged as this current crisis of confidence. As a result this post will probably take the form of some amatuer psychology and try and break down why I am struggling to get much done.
There can be no denying that I have felt anxious and stressed about a number of things lately. It often feels like the work I am producing for my final and most important year at university is a chore that has been rushed to get it out of the way. This rather than taking the time to make sure I am showing the best of myself has me stressed when I could do with being a lot more focused. The pressure is the same for everybody on the course so I am not using this as an excuse I am merely trying to pen (type) my worries in the hope that they will be easier to deal with when read in black and white as opposed to running around my head late at night whilst I struggle with sleep.
I have also spent the last couple of weeks fending off various viruses and ailments. I think I have let myself get run down and this hasn’t helped with regards to the mental sharpness needed to write well. I read a blog post the other day that made me determined that whatever I produce, it should be the best work I can achieve and at this moment in time I cannot stress how difficult I am finding it to do so.
I have always read a lot of articles either in paper form or online. I listen exclusively to BBC radio 4 and 5 and spend most of my limited time in front of the TV watching news. I wonder sometimes if I have saturated my brain with too much of the thing I am most passionate about but missing out on news just feels criminal to me. It must also be said that I have become increasingly disillusioned with the news I take in whatever medium that should be. Everything nowadays seems to have to be in list form or a critique and increasingly I am finding opinion pieces where they have no right to be; Either the lead in a broadcast or on the front pages of newspapers and their online outlets. What I mean by that is there is very little reporting of hard news at times and more opinion about a person or organisation. This goes against everything I have been taught and screams of bad journalism. Having had a variety of guest speakers over the years I have spent at university it would seem there is a genuine concern from some in the industry that standards are being allowed to slip and this can’t be good for anyone.
I spent the weekend trying to free myself of my worries and decided time with friends was needed to do this. It was nice to catch up with so many people on Saturday night, some I haven’t seen for a really long time. Having done so there is a nagging guilt that I should have been getting more work done but what’s done is done. I got to take in some live sport in the form of a cracking game of rugby at Drybrook and the mixture of entertainment and fresh air helped distract me from my worries for a while.
I have had a really hard time writing about sport in particular. Every time I have an idea for a piece my initial enthusiasm dims very quickly and I convince myself the subject isn’t worth writing about. Whatever happens I am going to force myself to sit in front of this laptop this week and get at least three pieces of worth, well researched and written to the best of my ability. I am going for the ‘write your way out of the block’ approach in the hope that something sparks and ignites my creative side.