As the summer has well and truly come to an end I have been trying my hardest to get excited for autumn. Whilst I am never happy to see the end of the sunshine there is plenty to look forward to in the autumn. Wrapping up to watch rugby followed by a few Irish stouts in a warm and friendly pub, possibly with a wood burner, is the misty eyed cliche I have been trying to get excited for. In reality however it’s just got cold and wet and that has somewhat dampened my enthusiasm for just about everything.
Having made loose plans to go home on the weekend I departed from Worcester on Saturday still fairly enthusiastic about meeting up with friends, some of which I hadn’t seen for a long time. By the time I got home however I was feeling so tired I was forced into a mid afternoon nap. I am not sure if I was using this nap as an excuse to pass the time before I was due to go out or if I genuinely needed it.
After an hour on the sofa I got up sorted myself out, made myself look beautiful and went to catch up with my sister. A few drinks at her place and then into town to laugh and drink the night away with friends. That was the plan. In reality I went from sober as judge to pissed as a rat in no time at all and ended up talking nonsense to all and sundry. Apart from catching up with a friend I have known well since early childhood, the night was an unmitigated disaster. I felt horrific for most of Sunday and part of yesterday too. I had cringe worthy flashbacks to conversations I had and blanks filled in by my sister and others that could have happily remained blank.
I can honestly not remember the last time I went out on a session and enjoyed it. As a result of that conclusion I am going to give drink a good rest for a while. If I’m getting no enjoyment from it then what’s the point? I am almost certain my lack of motivation stems from suffering the ill effects of a heavy weekend and that is not good on the lead up to my first assignments of the year.
At this moment in time I am finding myself increasingly isolated. I am not enjoying the pleasure of my own company which is making me irritable and as a result, difficult for others to be around. There is very little that gives me a sense of genuine enjoyment and I crave the feeling of excitement. I need to go and watch some live sport or watch a good film to pick me up. I firmly believe the weather depresses me when it is all rain and no shine. Summer is a land of seemingly endless possibility and when it is over I get an almost post holiday blues feeling that is tricky to shake. As summer approached its end I was feeling good, looking ahead to various future dates on the calendar and now all I can think about is how to avoid the rain!
This evening I have my feature writing lecture and perhaps that will provide me with the inspiration I need to get motivated and enjoy the autumn months. I think adding something new to the routine will help to bring me up a level. The tough thing is trying to work out what that something new might be. I tried to watch football last night and was so uninspired by the first half the of Wales match that I tuned into the Dutch game for the second half. A cruel twist of fate meant that I had watched the two halves the wrong way around. Wales ended up having to scrap for their win whilst the Dutch were barely able to muster a chance to get back into their match.
As I sit here now scratching around for inspiration I am contemplating reading a book. It’s good to get lost in another world sometimes. It can be someone elses world in the shape of an autobiography or a completely fictional world but the escape from reality is a good antidote to boredom and feeling flat.
My current plan is food followed by reading, followed by lecture. If anyone has any better ideas feel free to pass them on!