Spanner in the works

Having started this blog with posts on consecutive days I was forced into an abrupt halt when I broke my laptop screen. I can’t explain to you how infuriating this was and still is for me. I didn’t realise how completely reliant I have become on technology for an outlet to vent my thoughts and provide entertainment.

The incident itself was unbelievably innocuous. I dropped my phone onto my bed from no height at all and it somehow managed to bounce up and hit the screen breaking the LCD unit. Rage ensued. Not only was I unable to write but I was days away from my first lecture. More importantly than that I was half way through my daily Christina Hendricks ritual!

I am currently sat in a computer room at university having briefly scanned work that has been uploaded online for me to complete. It’s serious now. This year really counts and if I want to make my time here at university productive I seriously need to do well this year. As I type this I have a knot in my stomach which has been impossible to shake for the last two days. I am a creature of habit and need a few weeks to get back into my routine.

All of the usual and familiar fears have come flooding back. What if I can’t do this? What if I do really well and still can’t get work afterwards? Can I really afford this at this juncture? Having written all those questions I realise that it’s probably the same for thousands of others in a similar position to myself and that I should just get on with it. It does however feel familiar some how, like the first day back at school!

The weekend was pretty successful. Saturday having started slowly ended up being nothing short of hilarious with big bro providing most of the entertainment. We decided to go out in Chepstow in the end having briefly flirted with the idea of Gloucester. What was originally going to be a huge group of my brothers work colleagues ended up being myself him and his old next door neighbour. Thankfully three wasn’t a crowd and after an initial settling in period we drank and danced the night away talking nonsense to each other and anyone else who cared to listen. Having left it so long to go out with him I think drinks with my brother will be on the cards again soon.

My student loan has come through which is an enormous relief. Not because I am skint but because last year I didn’t get it until Christmas after some admin error that caused me a ton of stress. I am feeling pretty good financially having paid four months rent upfront and due to a summer of work and a tax rebate still sitting pretty.  I have thus far resisted the temptation to spend money on anything unnecessary, a feat I’m sure would have been impossible to achieve had I gone to university ten years ago at the “normal” age.

I have half an hour before a fellow old timer on the course joins me to catch up before our 6pm lecture. I can’t say I am a huge fan of these evening lectures. You would think when you pay nearly nine grand a year for the privilege of reading some expensive PowerPoint presentations you would get normal office hours. Instead I feel like I am on an evening course and it somehow seems to devalue things. This time of day my mind is on other things like food and sport. On the other hand and without wanting to sound like an ass kisser I do like the lecturer. She’s as straight as they come. No messing around. She gets to the point and you always know where you stand.  She’s either a very good actress or she is genuinely interested in talking to you.

It has been strange writing this entry from here with a stranger sat just to the left of me. I can feel her eyes glimpsing at my screen from time to time and I am resisting the urge to ask her what she thinks of it. There is a subdued feeling around campus at this time of day. Almost as though people are waiting for something to happen. At the same time I can’t shake this weird tension, the calm before the storm perhaps? I’ll let you know in the next post no doubt!


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